How About Residency, Chapter IV in ¿Paradise?

Residency, Chapter III in ¿Paradise?

OK, OK. Down in the capital and all is cleared up. It is somewhat the same as in the Ewe Ess one group knows not what the other group wants. As it turns out, the consulate in the states does not know the process nor do the 10 websites I researched up there. Here in the Capital it clearly states the Passport, from any country, must be verified at an embassy down here. So it is merely a lesson in you can never asume it will go smoothly when dealing with any goverment.

That lesson being learned, back to the calmness of the culture. I am no different from anyone else. And that is what this blog is about. When your spanish is basically non existant, and you are alone, you had damned well better have great contacts on the ground and with that, Thank you so much, Don Johnny and Don Jose.

I amoung many others are down here not running from the Ewe Ess and not hiding from scruitiny. I post on Facebook on a page called TheNewExpat, which is tied directly to me. I have an intelligence background and even though that was decades ago, it is still in my records. While I am vocal about some of the ways the Ewe Ess is moving, I still voice my opinión as do many, many others from the agency I served with. Again, I recommend to anyone coming our way, not to run from, but to run to.

As you can see from the sign, I used the wrong services. Do you see the Consaldo de Guatemala? I should have used the one to the right PSYCHIC!

Que tenga buena día.

Quick Residency Requirement Update ¿¿Paradise??

Residency Requirements for ¿Paradise?

3 Replies

Keep in mind as I finally finish this one off, that ANYONE who only talks about how great he or she is and how great everything is on the ground is either a bald faced liar or they will shortly be trying to sell you something. There is a blog from a guy in town,

UnwireMe

, who is one of the best. He tells it like it is and he tells about his blunders too. Great guy this Rich is. You just have to suffer with him a little when it just didn’t go as expected. I reference his first Belize trip.

I now have a page in facebook called, wait for this, wait, wait —–TheNewExpat.

Whatever you do make sure you keep up with Johnny’s radio show at www.ExpatWisdom.com. The archives for his shows are at http://prn.fm/category/archives/the-expat-files/#axzz2SBgxFXX7. Johnny talks a little about my great house find on his May 3rd show.

“EXPAT WISDOM’S LATIN AMERICAN INSIDER SEMINAR”

Seriously consider the next Expat Seminar. Go here for info. http://expatwisdom.com/la-insider-seminar-june2013/.

And lastly, plug into Richard Martin’s the Wake Up Call on www.Prn.fm. You can get directly to his archives at http://prn.fm/category/archives/wake-up-call/#axzz2SBgxFXX7.

Let’s talk Residency.

What you are after is:

Guatemala

In Guatemala, cédulas are made of paper, folded and stapled booklet style, with a blue cover. They are about the size of credit cards. Municipal governments typically issue them for their residents. Cédulas are authenticated by the signature of the local Civil Registry.

Let’s just say you want to establish that residency requirement in an effort to work towards a second passport. I am up in the states for a few weeks and at first glance it all seems pretty simple. 1) You need a certified birth certificate. 2) You need a criminal background check. 3) A copy of your passport with it being authenticated. 4) You will need a verification that you have at least $1000 per month for a single person and $200 more for any other family members. Sounds simple enough, huh? Think about it a little. You are probably going to have to make a rather lengthy drive to get to a Consulate. If you are like me, you will want everything in order.

So I call the nearest consulate. “Yes all the above is correct, but I am not the one who actually does the processing.” That is okay, I say. Let’s just go over it. Anything special on the birth certificate. ”Nope, just a certified copy and hopefully with a raised seal.” Hopefully? Damn, I was born so long ago mine is on papyrus and I am not sure it had a raised seal. So I just order one off a site on the Internet. I did www.vitalcheck.com. I will give that info now and if it all goes to crap in a hand basket, you will know who not to use.

===========================Update. Birth Cert. Yep it was a failure but not so much on their part, but mine. It turns out that two weeks after the promised 4 day delivery date I check the confirmation email. It is is not a confirmation, but a request for more info. To heck with them, I live close to the capital of this state, I guess I will go and stand in some eternal line. I walk into the state records department with a half hour before closing and walk out 15 minutes later. Why didn’t I do this to start with? ———-Update. This was the only one of the four needed documents accepted at consulate. Cost $10. And, oh, BTW, my lawyer told me afterwards that the birth certificate was not needed. However, don’t leave home without it.

Okay, that is on the way. It says on the website everything has to be translated. Another call to the consulate and I get the person in charge whose English is, uhhh, much more limited than her accent. She says, “No, it doesn’t have to be translated.” And it didn’t. ===Ended up that the lawyer down here get the translation service as part of the fees I pay.

2) Next on the list is the Criminal Record. First I hear you can go to your county sheriff. Then I hear FBI. Then I hear highway patrol for your state. So off I go to the state police department. At first I thought about using the web for this too, but heck, HQ is only an hours struggle in traffic. Ugh. Well, darned good thing, because while it looks really easy on line, guess what? You still have to get get fingerprints, so you still have to show up at one of their offices. I go down Monday. Play musical chairs. Pay my $15. Play musical chairs. Get called back for a picture and fingerprints. ”Thank you very much. Your record will be available Wednesday after three for pick up.” Skipping ahead. I go Thursday. Easy enough on Thursday I have that piece of the puzzle.. JUST DON’T WRITE ON IT.

============Update after Consulate visit. OMG! Who wudda thunk? Not only did state police sign but they had a notary on the form, therefore it was REJECTED! If there had only been a signature, it would have been accepted. To fix had to go to the Secretary of State in the capital of my state to pay for another Authentication.

3) SS office — I always go to the SS office in one of the small towns, because it seems that each and everyone of the people there failed Government Worker I and couldn’t even get into Government Worker II. Those that fail that course are sent to smaller offices where they smile and make customers feel important. As you know, to pass those two courses and make it to the higher levels of government, you have to have no personality with an abundance of a don’t give a crap attitude. Oh, Guess what? It is such a happy place that they only work from 9-3 each day, happy hour at 3:15, but on Wednesday it is 9-noon with happy hour starting at 1pm. No wonder they are so nice.

==============SSA letter —- Semi Rejected. The name of the agent could not be read. The consulate person who approves said she would call SSA to verify it was signed by one of their agents. Cost was $10 at the consulate.

4) Copy of Passport. This takes a Notarization of your signature stating that this is a copy of your Passport. Really? Office Depot for a copy. To my local bank for the Notary. The Notary will probably be a separate page and it was attached to my one sentence hand written affidavit. THEN YOU NEED TO GET IT AUTHENTICATED ! Easy enough for me. One hour to the Secretary of your state’s office. One more hour in traffic. You need to go to your state’s Secretary of State office. You walk in, give them $15, show an ID and you are off.

===========Update on the Copy of Passport—-REJECTED! The bank notary of the page where that said this was a true copy of my original passport is not sufficient. You need a notary stamp on each and every page and most bank notaries cannot do that. The fix? Went to a UPS store and paid $96 to get a notary of each and every page including a copy of the front and back of cover. Back to the Secretary of State to get that Notary Authenticated. Cost another $15. Yet to see if this will be accepted.

So made the drive down to the nearest consulate after picking up the birth certificate. Found the consulate. Got a room at the Days Inn just down the street ($140 for a Days Inn, you gotta be kidding) and got to the Consulate first thing the next day. You don’t need to stand in line which was wrapped around and back to the stairs. You go to the room and go to the SMALL WINDOW. They take your docs and then about an hour late, Ms. Donis, another of the most pleasant Guatemalans will come out to discuss whether you have a mess or not.

Remember from above?

Birth Certificate – Accepted.
Criminal Record – Rejected
Proof of Income – Semi-Rejected
Passport — Rejected

FedEx-ed Passport and Criminal Records to the consulate along with a pre-paid return envelope. Any bets on whether this is close to the end or not? Me either. That is why I spent the time to drive to the Consulate to make sure I got everything in hand before flying back.

Cost so far. $45 to Secretary of State. $40 to Consulate when all is approved. $140 for a stinkin’ Days Inn. And let’s say about $300 for driving back and forth to the consulate, Sec of State, State Police and Vital Records, @ about 50 cents a mile.

Stay tuned.

And for those still reading. When I got back from Front Sight, the papers were there. I successfully got them back to my lawyer, where I found out the Birth Certificate was not needed. He said he would get them translated and to the proper agency and by the end of the next Guatemalan week I should have my permanent residency. The end of the new Ewe Ess week would have been Friday, April 26th. Today is May the 4th, so quite obviously the Guatemalan week has not come.

OH, and one more thing? Did I hear you ask what the cost is? Through Johnny’s seminar I met Jose, Ese, the Lawyer. His charge is $1500, but you can try these people below who only ask $8,000.

Guatemala Pensionado Permanent Residency Program

The choice is yours. Book the Expat seminar ASAP. Seats are filling up. I will see your there.

Que tenga bueno dia.

What Did I Bring Back to ¿Paradise?

4 Replies

After a few months down here and with the decision made that I were actually going to stay, if I were me, I would ask me what did I bring back from the Ewe Ess? So in an effort to quell these two or three me’s, let me tell you.

First off, we do have Walmart, and CostClub which is Sams and PriceSmart which is CostCo in the states. While it might make some sense none of your cards up there will work down here. As Gomer would say, “Surprise, Surprise”. But none of them are really the same. Your selections are really limited. If you, like me, are an Arm & Hammer baking soda toothpaste guy or gal, you are out of luck here. Colgate owns Walmart. If you like Degree underarm, solly chawlie, that won’t fly either. The two or three things I stocked up on where the above and some ultra lightweight reading glasses from CVS called Magnavision. But, what did was order a lot of stuff from Amazon to bring back and, of course, if you are a nice guy, and that is the current image I am trying to fool people with, you ask if anyone needs something from the USSA. It kind of boiled down to some security stuff and some let’s keep the bed bugs away. Actually bed bugs I haven’t met yet here, but who knows. Here is some of the stuff I ordered.

1 of Monster MP OTG400 BK Outlets To Go 4 Outlet Travel Power Strip (Black)3 of Streetwise Personal / Door Alarm with Light

1 of Cocoon Silk TravelSheet (Ultra Blue, 94-Inch x 46-Inch).. They did not ship the woman.

1 of Cocoon Cotton TravelSheet (Cactus Blue, 94-Inch x 46-Inch) == I was robbed on this one.

1 of Addalock 2 Pack

1 of Travel Accessories Lockdown Triple Security Lock

1 of Franklin 14 Language Speaking Global Translator with Visual Dictionary and Color Screen (EST-7014)====And I went off and left it. After messing with it some, what I really need is one I can speak into and it will speak it back in the other language or the other person can speak into and it will translate to me.

1 of Pacsafe Luggage Rfid-tec 100 Bi-fold Wallet, Cool Steel, One Size

1 of Pacsafe Luggage Slingsafe 300 Gii Backpack, Black, One Size

1 of Philips Sonicare HX6932/30 Flexcare with Sanitizer Rechargeable Electric Toothbrush

1 of Identity Stronghold Secure Sleeve / Case for Id & Credit Card – Pack of 10

1 of Pacsafe Retractasafe 250 Cable Lock, Color:Smoke, One Size

1 of Everydaysource Compatible With Apple iPod Nano 7 (7th Generation) Premium FM Transmitter w/ USB / SD / MMC Slot

Monster MP OTG400 BK Outlets To Go 4 Outlet Travel Power Strip (Black)\

Cocoon Cotton Double TravelSheet

Thermarest Compressible Pillow, Denim, Medium

2x Sawyer SP121 Just Drink Inline Water Filter

FakeTV FTV-10 Burglar Deterrent

Stone River Ceramic Blade Money Clip Folding Pocket Knife With Titanium Handles

I also brought back some of my necessary items, like my big Neat Receipts Scanner for keeping track of all receipts and my Nicer Dicer. Nothing replaces this little hand device As Seen On Tv.

Just call me goof.

So here is what I found out flying American. First bag is free, plus you can carry two on. Be careful, because what fits on a domestic flight might not fit on international. The good news is that while they will check it at the gate, they will not charge. You have up to 50 lbs for that back. You go over and up to 70 lbs it is another $50. Second bag is $50 up to 50 lbs and then another $50 up to 70. Do you want a third bag? I did. Obviously. Well that one was $200 up to $50. OUCH! BUT GET THIS! I checked in at the first airport and found I could fly business class for $165 more. And the bag weight for Business Class is up to 70 and you get three bags. So, it was bloody mary’s, flounder, ice cream and I ask them to fly around for a few more hours, but they said no.

Some of the above was from my list and some was from friend’s lists. One biggie was my lawyer asked for something for his children. Never did I suspect it would come in an 18x12x12 box. I took everything out and stuffed clothes in each cavity and stuffed them into one of my 3 suitcases.

Soon to come is the blog with the Items Don Johnny recommends for new people coming to visit or attend one of his seminars. Don’t miss his shows on www.prn.fm.

Nos Vemos.

Back to ¿Paradise?

6 Replies

Allrighty then. I am back home in Central America. In two weeks I should have my Permanent Residency. The paperwork was a hoot to get in the states mostly because if graded on the curve, rocks would come in higher than me and now back in CA. My lawyer is sending it out for translation and says it may be done by the end of the week. But…. I have come to learn that could be Guatemalan time. Not counting on anytime before June.

So 8,000 miles of driving in the Ewe Ess and being with family, related and not related and this old fart is pooped. There is something to be said about ALL of your time being YOUR time. I also bring back the Ewe Ess attitude of anxiety. Too much news. Too many events. Too much concentration on politics. Too many people who that is all they want to talk about. Too much info from government leaders that are doing nothing and accomplishing less. T h e r e i s s o m e t h i n g t o b e s a i d a b o u t t h e C e n t r a l A m e r i c a n p a c e . Oops, almost feels like it is time for a siesta or maybe a hammock just feet from the edge of the lake.

So what does a person do when life slows down. Well, in the six block village of maybe 50 homes, I guess it never completely slows down. First off this Saturday was the milk man, le—che, le—-che. Then the chili rienos lady, then tortilla lady, then the propane truck 3 times, then the garbage men, then the ice cream man twice, then to end the day was the horn on the bread truck that goes to the end of each of the six block, stands on his horn and yells Pan louder than his truck horn. Do you get the drift? No CNN. No HLN. No MSlost in space, No FoxNews. No Precedent lambasting a Senile-ators or Con-regresspersons or the Sheople. No contact with authorities. No time to get up. No time to take the first nap of the day. No time to eat, because McDonalds is closing down the breakfast menu, although we have one. No time to go to bed. By golly this is like your parents going on vacation and left you home alone.

In the Ewe Ess I normally had a to-do list of 15-25 items. Let’s see, I think I had a list today. Or did I? Okay, #1 need to get my Galaxy set up to work in Guatemala. And…… #2 Maybe go to the market…… And……Oh hell, I can put these two off. #3 Wait there was also a nap. So I did get one thing done, the nap.

Tomorrow is the day of rest. I will have to slow down some from today, but that will be really hard to do.

Que tenga bueno dia.

Hasta la proxima.

Definitely Not ¿Paradise?

5 Replies

OMG! Get me out of here!

Been in the Ewe Es for a few weeks. Came to sell some stuff and give a bunch of items away to limit my clutter. I have been running at a pace that drove me to look at other countries and after this time period I truly revere the serenity and beauty of Antigua and Central America. Yes, I do have special people up here, but find myself wishing the visit went the other way with them coming to beautiful Guatemala.

I am so looking forward to the serenity and sanity that just isn’t here. And the anxiety? The longer here, the more it builds. You just can’t get away from ?politics? or is it more like chest thumping no matter what you do. It is in sitcoms, late night ?comedy? shows and yes even what is now called ?country music?, not to mention 95% of the conversations you enter into.

And the food. I recommend you never go to Central America and eat the food. You will never be the same. You have seen the pictures on this blog. I don’t know how many breakfasts I have eaten here, but none worth a damn. Fruit, if you feel like you want some, consists of canned peaches, canned prunes, grapes that have little flavor, card board cantaloupe and I am yet to figure out what those green slices similar to a cantaloupe, but with no taste really are. Where are the black beans to go with the eggs? Where are the plantains at every breakfast? Where is the fruit that tastes like fruit?

So, here I sit with the same bitchy attitude that I left around the first of the year wishing all was packed and I was on the plane tomorrow after saying some very special goodbyes. My weight is 7 lbs. My ankles are again swollen on a daily basis. Most of all, I am just really pissy. Hang on fans. Am thinking I really need a Midol, valium and a shot of Jamison.

One Reason and One Way Not to Stumble into ¿Paradise?

2 Replies

OK. There may be no levity in this one and for that I should keep it short. I want you to look at me and understand what I say. Don’t look away! This decision or journey you are embarking on could be the last of your life. Do it right!

A while back I stated that some people come to find something new and others are running from something old. Some come to enjoy the adventure of new cultures, to live on the edge where today states you need these papers for residency and by the time you collect them the requirements change. Some come for make new foreign friends. Some come for health. Some come because everyone says it is cheaper.

And then some come because they don’t like their government, their friends, their family or any of a million negative reasons used to flee their negative environment. There is always the question of whether the environment was negative or the negative mind created that negative environment. I suffer some from that last sentence. Especially so, being back in the States to get some affairs in order.

I have a recommendation. Or maybe a few. DON’T move because of a negative. Make sure you have looked inside yourself and determined that you, or your lack of control of your mental thoughts are not the negative and therefore the problem, because if you don’t like your current government and expect a 3rd world country to offer a Garden of Political Eden, then you are barking up against the dullest knife in the lightbulb drawer. Or something like that. If you are moving because EVERYONE says it is cheaper to live in Latin America, you had better do your research. If you are on a really tight budget and can’t afford to go to a country or two of your choice to spend some time, then don’t come. There is nothing worse than getting to that “dream country” only to find out you have been mislead and now can’t get back home. Nothing worse than bringing the attitude that can pick out the negative in any situation to a country to pick out the negative in any situation.

As I just mentioned, make an investment. Don’t just go based on a glowing report from a new blogger in a country, like me. As astray as I have been throughout my life I certainly have enough astray to give to others. Don’t go to just one seminar. Spend some cash and take in an International Living seminar, a Peddicord seminar and certainly and Expat Wisdom seminar and maybe some others out there. Find a seminar that is not selling something on the side in order to make a profit. Let their profit come simply from the cost of the seminar. Don’t be confused, there will be some sort of cross commission or finders fee, but limit it to the attorney and not the realtor, the restaurants, the land salesman, the gold mine or the newest line in a panty factory. If you can’t afford to make a couple of exploratory expeditions of a month or more, well just get a prescription of Valium and cope with your current situation. There is nothing worse than a person running from what seems to be a country moving towards socialism to a country that is already socialist and then figuring out there is no way to escape back to where you came from.

In conclusion, take out a piece of paper and figure out +w+h+y+ your want to go. In the blogs you have read what are the +positives+ you expect to receive? Write down what you expect to give back to the new friends you meet. And I don’t mean the other expats. You should not be coming down to find a homogenous group of disgruntled, pissed at whatever government you are coming from Expats. That means, don’t come down unless you intend to try to fit into the owners of your new country’s culture.

So, I am not just trying to blow your doors off with a negative speech, but I am also talking to myself. Something as an athlete we are not supposed to do. When you bang one 320, but look up and instead of a nice draw down the middle it turns out to be a 180 yard snap hook, you know how much good that does you to start yelling at yourself. That would be a good time to talk to yourself about who is the best one in getting out of buffalo grass, clumpy rough. Afterwards you don’t go back to review all your bad shots, you just play tomorrows 18 holes in your mind with every shot hit to that A#1 position.

So do a little soul searching before you come to live in SOMEONE ELSE’S COUNTRY. It is in your best interest to determine if you can have something to offer. And I don’t mean every charity from being an Eco savior to adopting each and every orphan, which you will find that any young person selling anything is an “orphan”. Come and bring your smile, your sense of childlike wonder, your desire to make new friends and your ability to find something nice in the garbage dump that appeared over night on your favorite jogging course and most of all a smile to greet everyone you meet, including the person in that blue uniform that tries to tell you that you are going the wrong way on a one way street. If you don’t, well you will be lost. And, as I said earlier, don’t come to fit into a non native culture of pissed off, beer drinking, bad mouthing expats. Those people who were mad at where they were, usually find out that what was causing their misery got on the same airplane with them and happened to be sitting in the same seat.

Now get off your duff and start educating yourselves, plan your first trip, sign up for your first two seminars and come and truly enjoy a rebirth in ¿Paradise?……..There is an excellent segment from Overseas Radion Network called “What You Aren’t Being Told About Ecuador” or any other place you might be considering. It was done Feb. 18, 2013. Find it online and take a listen.

Que Tenga Bueno Dias, M8

Sincerely, John Galt

45 days up, Stumbling back from ¿Paradise?

7 Replies

Feb. 25th.

Decided to exercise that return flight. Why, you ask. Well, family and people I want to see plus stuff I think I need. Gonna cost me in baggage fees on the way back. The night before Volcan Fuego put on a little show, right in line with the predictions on youtube from Suspicious0bservers.

Puffin its little heart out.

But it got to hammering right after I left.

So, in I fly. Well, let’s back up a bit and talk logistics. What to do with my car? Leave it in the garage. OK, that settled. That leaves me with taking a shuttle to catch the shuttle to the airport in Guatemala City to catch a shuttle to a hotel close to my lawyer, Jose, and then catch a shuttle to the only darned hotel room left in the city. After going through Travelocity, Expedia I finally located it on Hotels.com. Purty-Sistant, I was. Remember I keep telling yo how wonderful Guatemalans are? Well, Mr. Jose called and asked if he could meet me at the airport and said he would take care of the rest. Do you have a lawyer like that? What super individual! Even got a tour of one of his rental properties on the way to the hotel. BTW, it was Suites Jardin Imperial, a full suite for $40 a night.

Next logistical problem -how to get to the airport on time. A 9:20 flight. The hotel graciously called the night before to get a cab at the property at 6:30 for the 2.3 miles, as the crow flies, to the airport. Remember, crows don’t have a clue as how to fly down here. I also asked for a 5:30 wake up call. I set three alarms, just in case and just in case happened. No call. Next, would the cab show on time? And, by golly, it did. 30 minutes after putting the bags in we made it that 2.3 miles. Plane on time. Check in a breeze. Was able to find my seat unassisted. Had a window seat in a row with two others that were as tired as me. Breezed through customs with two bags full of empty packs for the trip back. Had a wonderful cousin pick me up. AND THEN WE HAD SOME MEXICAN FOOD. ON DAMN, HOW I HAVE MISSED MY CHIPS AND SALSA! Had heartburn for the next two days!

So, what strikes me right off is where are all the friendly smiling people. Decided to eat in Dallas before the next flight and it seemed to be a chore for the person serving chicken to take my order and serve me. Then came some airport workers who on their lunch break decided to discuss how hard assed the company was against their union and how there couldn’t get any concessions from that failing airline. Doh! Not sure I needed that info within the first 40 minutes back. Then came the garbage cart that just had to bump me as opposed to informing he was coming through. ”Hey, bud, I have a job to do. Do you think you could make some room.” Welcome to a past home.

Well as you can see from the previous blog I have been here long enough to cover up some of that weight loss I had accomplished by eating REAL food. And what do a person notice once back for a time. Well, let’s start with my attitude. Why the anxiety has risen again, I don’t know. Well maybe it is access to all the news that really doesn’t make any difference. No one cares in Latin America what the hell the Prez is doing or how it affects them, because it doesn’t. Then there is the weight. Yep 5 pounds back on. And the drivers here have all the room in the world and most are total asses or totally oblivious. In Latin America all are on the same channel, aggressive. Ain’t no paraders in Guatemala City. So food intake is up, everyone here is uptight because of this proposed new law or that change, ankles are swollen again and it is just not a matter of whether I am going into Parque Central to sit at my favorite coffee shop and watch the people in the park.

It is not a dip in the little cool river with a waterfall of thermal water and buying banana cakes from a young entrepreneur.

It is not a launch down the Rio Dulce to Livingston and seeing the net being thrown, the Lilly pads and the beautiful young girls selling their shells.

Ah ha. I think I have found an answer. I just need to go back through my pictures and let the memories flow.

I feel better. I will be back soon. Come join me.

Hasta la próxima vez

A Short Trip to the Ewe Es and out of ¿Paradise?