How to Find Bad People in Latin America

  • This should be titled what to do to attract those who want your stuff.  
  • How to stand out in a crowd.  
  • How to be noticed.  
  • How to find the .001% of the desperate people.  
  • How to be a charitable giver and not get the T-shirt.
  • How to be a person who says, “Wow, I think I read not to do that once.”
  • How to fly into a hurricane.
  • How to determine exactly whether you are reading and hearing the truth here. Just do one of the recommended don’ts over and over until you get bit.
  • Tint your windows.
  • Don’t drive at night.
  • Oh, almost forgot.  Don’t pet rattlesnakes.

Socio Economic Ladder, Upward Mobility, 9 Meals from Anarchy, Driver’s side window down, Hip with the Trip, Boots on the Ground, Chicken Busses

Louis, The Teacher

9 meals from anarchy

It describes what 1st world people will face soon enough – when the mierda  truly hits the fan up in O’vomitland. Meanwhile here in Latin America, so much ripe fruit literally falls off the trees that the phrase “9 meals from anarchy” seems right out of Disney’s Fantasyland     


Loud, stinky, cheap motorcycles have invaded Latin America. We gringos and expats hate them. However to the Latin masses forced to use rickety, unsafe chicken buses they spell freedom. Just being able to afford one is a huge step up the socioeconomic ladder. 


The Latin definition of the Latin “American dream” in their home country is finally be able to move from a motorcycle to a crappy, rattle-trap car… any car. It’s the next big and mostly unobtainable step up the social ladder. Do note that as silly as it sounds, a guy with any type of junk car at all is a chick magnet to the millions of ladies forced by circumstances to ride those horrible chicken buses


Rotten to the core CITI Bank now is in more than 10 Latin countries: Today’s tale is of a happy-go-lucky Latin guy busily working his way up the corporate ladder in that corrupt organization… ( Note, if you tell him or any Latin the truth about CITI they’ll think its you who has gone nuts)

When Johnny Was

When Johnny  was clueless gringo- Yes, years ago I was clueless too. I even rode chicken buses. Today we have wild story that revolves around the thoroughly weird but always fascinating chicken bus set.        

Consult with Johnny – Schedule a cell or Skype call: Set up a time to talk and I’ll help you sort out your own specific Latin American “PLAN- B”. Just write “CONSULT” in the subject line with a short list of questions/talking points to:


Johnny’s next (and perhaps final) “Expat Insider” Plan ‘B’ Seminar will take place on Saturday, January 7th thru Thursday, January 12th , 2017. To get in on the Early-bird list email: or click on this link:


Attendance will be very limited so do act now.



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